normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
