i need an iv and a liver transplant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
