Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Everyone says I win the strip club
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
