the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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