Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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