My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize