just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
