Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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