I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
