Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
