Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
