Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't notice because vodka
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
