Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
