grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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