I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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