I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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