Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
