so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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