I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
