Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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