i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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