If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
