I faked an abortion last night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
