Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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