If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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