proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
