Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
