He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
