Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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