something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
