I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
