You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
