so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
