She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
cat food counts as protein by the way
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
