i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize