week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
