He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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