Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
