i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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