My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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