remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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