Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she looked like the before picture.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
