hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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