glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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