I'm drive I can fine osifer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
