i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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