I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
