My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
