I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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