Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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