Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
