so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
