she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
