Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
