Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
