dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
