she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
