i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
