One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
