READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
