I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
