My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
