I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
