Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
