So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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