i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
