drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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