Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
