this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
