My first STD was from a foam party
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
