i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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