I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
