It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
