you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
