her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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