some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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