oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
