Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
