at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
